“I’ll overthinking everything, and that’s not your fault. I’m wired that way. My brain makes me believe that everything & everyone is temporary, and though there is some truth to that, some people truly aren’t just “temporary.” It’ll take me a little bit to wrap my head around that. I don’t ever mean to offend you when I say some of the things I do, or when I try to push you away, that’s just a defense mechanism. Like a reflex, I guess. Something I always end up doing. I shouldn’t, I know. I will need reassurance. Tons of it. This goes back to the whole “everyone is temporary” thought I mentioned earlier. Everyone I think will stay eventually gets pushed away by all these little faults, and I know I need to get better, I know I shouldn’t think these things, and I know you’re not like everyone else in my past. I’m sorry, I will try to make myself understand that, but I need you to work with me. I need you to have patience. I need you to believe me when I tell you that the last thing I want in this world is for you to leave me. There will be great nights when I’m able to push all these thoughts out of my head, but these come along with terrible nights when I’ll be distant. I’ll wonder if I make you happy. I’ll wonder why you stay with me, because even though you say nothing is wrong, my brain convinces me that I’m not good enough. This is when I need you the most, though I’ll continue to act like everything is fine. It’s not. My mind is running a thousand miles per hour, filling my brain with doubts and fear of how it’ll be when you leave, or about how vulnerable I’m making myself, and the worst of them all, about how all this happiness & joy I’m feeling will just be temporary. I know I’ll push you away, and I know you’ll want to give up, but please don’t. I want this. I want us. I don’t want to believe any of these things, and I’ll need your help. Reassurance, patience & time - that’s what will help. I understand if you don’t want to go on with someone who needs all of this to feel that a relationship will be successful, and hell.. I can’t really blame you, but all that I ask is that you remember that I love you. I will always love you, and I will never give up on you.”— Something I wish all those who date someone with anxiety would understand
